First I must explain the name. I am Eema, my grandson named me and it stuck. I have to say it is kind of nice to be at an event, or in a crowed room I know exactly when my grandchildren are trying to get my attention. You know what I mean, school concert, the entire school population and a roomful of family there to watch. The presentation finishes and you are waiting for the child (or children) to emerge from the masses… I am sure, I am the only Eema (pronounced E Ma).
I just love it !!! I hear it every time over the calls for Grandma, Granny, Nana, Mema and any other name.
So, the unleashed part. I was always the quite one, sadly often misunderstood and labeled some of those hurtful names when you are a teenager… stuck up, snob, aloof.. and the list goes on. The reality was I was scared to death most of the time. As a young girl in dancing events and competitions I put a smile on my face and carried on but almost wished I was elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I loved dancing and skating, and my parents NEVER pushed me like the way some do. Looking back I just did not feel I was good enough. Which by the medals and accolades I have as reminders suggest otherwise.
This belief of not being good enough or unworthy carried over into much of my life. I questioned my ability to do anything with a level of competence and certainly performed with no confidence.
So now, as Eema I have some things to prove to myself. I am taking the mindset of being released or becoming unrestrained.( LOL dare I say within reason.) No longer will the judgement of others break me.
I will be crafting my new way. To quote some of my dear band mates from years gone by “Jackie you have to play balls to the wall, hold nothing back”. I should mention that was a little difficult to imagine as I did not have any balls. So before our next competition I bought 2 happy face rubber balls and duck taped them to the wall of the band bus. That way, my balls were against the wall and I left that nauseous feeling and fear on the bus.
The hunt is on for a new set of balls, they will again will be taped to the wall but this time at my work space. A little different than a dream board but the symbol of the unleashed manner in which I will move forward.
I invite you to join me in the laughter as I work towards the best version of myself. Healthy, happy and worthy of this new way.
Laugh with me, share with me, I know this journey is similar to what many of you may be travelling, I appreciate the company.
I am not going on any further for now…
I have to go and find my balls! (Pictures to follow…LOL)
Enjoy the rest of your day, don’t let it finish without at least having giggled, but if an all out belly laugh happens.. all the better.